[SuperCollege]
Resist Being Your Child�s Shadow
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By Gen and Kelly Tanabe, authors of Get Into Any College and founders of SuperCollege.
Most parents think letting go happens the day their child boards the
plane or drives off on the first day of college. However, long before
the offspring leave, they need to decide where it is they�re going. As
a parent, it�s important that you give your child some space,
particularly when it comes to the college visit, one of the best ways
to decide where to go.
While one of the best things you can do for your child is encourage
him or her to visit colleges while still in high school, you need to
make sure that your child has some time to explore alone. He or she
needs to walk the campus, meet other students, and generally form
independent opinions about the school. Remember, you won�t be spending
the next four years of your life at this college so your opinions are
much less important. (Yes we know that�s a bitter pill to swallow!)
Since it can be difficult to keep your opinions muted, we�ve found that
the best way to make sure your child forms independent opinions is to
just remove yourself from the picture all together.
During the college visit arrange to meet your child in a few hours
at a rendezvous point and let him or her check out the campus solo. You
too should form some opinions of the campus but keep them to yourself
unless your child asks. You still wield a huge amount of influence over
your child (even if he or she acts to the contrary) and if you
disapprove of a college, that alone could influence your child not to
attend even if he or she loves the place. The absolute worst thing that
can happen is for your child to attend a college that is not a good
fit. Being dissatisfied with your college is not fun and affects
everything from studies to social life.
One last word of warning. Be careful about hyping your alma mater
too much. You may have had the best college experience, but how many
years ago was that? How much has changed since then? Plus, don�t assume
that your child is exactly like you and will do the same activities and
take the same classes.
Ultimately, your goal is to encourage your child to visit schools,
independently explore the campus, and form individual opinions. And
while you may lament the fact that you are losing your baby, don�t
worry - he or she will be back for winter and summer vacations! |
